Surfer's Paradise — i am nicole

Whose paradise? Surfers? Nah, more like Affliction-wearing, steroid-injecting, Jersey-Shore-fist-bumping, trashy-Miami-esque douche paradise. Tacky bedazzling and fake...everything. Skyscrapers on the beach and club crawls every night. Am I selling it?

If you saw me a few months leading up to my trip, I probably forced you to look at my ridiculously overplanned map. It is a thing of beauty. But I clearly did not fully investigate the Gold Coast - just included a few beaches, hikes, and wildlife sanctuaries. That's what I care about. Not the best club I can shake my ass at to get free shots. Or the place in Oz with the most tacky attractions, wax museums, and mini theme parks. I'm sure you've figured it out by now...I was not a fan of this city.

Thank goodness Ann-Marie was with me, or I would have run away screaming. One of the days, we went up the observation deck and looked down upon the scum of the city. There was an event with people racing up the stairs...so we took the elevator. From so high up you can see just how close the skyscrapers are to the ocean and all of the cool man-made canals through the city.

We filled the other days with stand up paddle boarding in the canals and giant ice creams and adorable brunches.

And...I admit it...one night she talked me into going on one of the club crawls. I snagged a photo of our branded arms for proof.

Thankfully, the stay was short. And I'm now stronger because of it. If I can handle 3 days of this douchery and cockroaches all over my cheap hostel, I can handle anything. Bring it on, world!